If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
this is an emotional support booty call
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
