Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize