I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
