Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
