omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
