'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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