its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
