you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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