and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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