I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
