i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
