finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
