Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
