He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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