I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
