Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
