Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
