Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Randomize
