so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i now understand why vodka
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
