So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
