it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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