don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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