This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
