oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
