All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
