shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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