Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
