When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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