Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
