dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
