You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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