it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
