Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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