I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
