No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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