Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
