I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
