he puts the penis in happiness.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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