I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
