piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
