i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
