There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
