OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
