This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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