so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
