Don't make out with my wife yet
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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