Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
