Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is Oprah even human
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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