I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
