Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
