I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
