Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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