I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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