Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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