did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
