Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
