is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
