I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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