Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
