So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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