i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
