At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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