My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize