yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
