stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
