I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
