If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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