In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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