Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
