tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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