Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
