the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
