we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
