Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
